my two midgies

Today has been a nightmare!! Wharton School of Business is having their annual 70's party and the store is crawling with mutants. These people are serious boneheads and it scares the shit out of me that they will be running Fortune 500 companies in the near future. They have no social graces whatsoever and expect you to do everything for them. Plus, more than half of these bridge trolls are in their 40's yet still need guidance from me as to what would be considered disco. Fuck me!

I overheard this amazing conversation earlier between two of these dimwits, it went like so, "Listen man, when we get to the party just follow my lead. I know this is your first party and i want you to have a good time. There are a couple basic rules to follow. Rule one: Always have a drink in your hand because it shows people that you are enjoying your time spent at the party. You don't need to drink much, just hold the drink as you mingle with everybody. Rule Two: When your drink needs to be refreshed never go to the main bar, for it will be too crowded. Always seek out the second or third bar that most first time partygoers will not know how to find. Rule Three: Don't be afraid to leave my side and meet other people. I cannot talk with you all night long because i will know other people there and they deserve my time too. Rule Four: You should be asking a girl to dance at least once an hour. Dancing is a good way to kill time because you don't have to talk much, just do your best at dancing and the woman will appreciate your effort. Follow these rules and we should all have a good time, my friend. I will assist you if a problem occurs that we did not discuss. This is my third time going and i'm getting really good at this, you will see. A lot of people will be so excited to see me." Finally after like 5 minutes of this dude pretending to be Mystery the Pick-up Artist, the other mongoloid got a chance to speak and confirmed the fact that he truly is pathetic, "I really appreciate you taking the time to help. I am confident that your tips will guarantee a memorable night." Are you kidding me?!?!!

10,9,8,7,6....... Ok, i have calmed down.

These two little babes were the highlight of my day!

They had been asking about Philadelphia, other stores like ours and a good place to eat. I just thought they were a cute young couple, but then it hit me. I know these little trolls, i've definitely seen them somewhere!! Oh shitballs, i figured it out and said "Hey, you're friends with Juno, right? And you're a Thumbsucker, right?" They seemed super pumped to be recognized by my creepy old ass and agreed to have their picture taken. As they were leaving the little babe from Juno uttered this cute statement, "that guy was so chill, man i love Philadelphia!"